Posted on: July 23, 2008 9:54 pm
  •  
 

Funniest Joke I know

Ok so feel free to post your own joke here is my submission!

Funniest joke I know

 

Three couples, an ederly, middle aged and newleyweds are trying to get into a local church known for their strict morale guidlines.  They all three meet with the pastor and are told that to meet the guidelines of the church they must refrain from sex for a month and if they do so may join the church!  They all agree and leave.

A month goes by and they all returned on the assigned date set by the pastor. 

The ederly couple are first and when asked by the pastor how they did they respond by saying well we did well.  Pa did his chores and worked in his shop while Ma focused on her arts and crafts.  The pastor welcomed them into the church.

The middle aged couple were asked the same question and responded by saying that for the first two weeks they did well but as the month went on it got harder for them but they prayed and made it through.  The pastor welcomed them to the church.

Next was the Newleywed couple.  When asked they responded that they didnt make it.  They said that from the beginning they had to stay away from each other and not even be in the same room.  The husband had to sleep at his office.  Then one day the wife bent over to pick up a can of beans and he had to take her right then and there. 

The pastor responded and said I am sorry we cannot allow you into our church. 

The couple said that is alright they will not let us in Giant Eagle anymore either!

Category: General
Posted on: July 1, 2008 6:35 am
 

The Don experiences todays health care

As some of the WVU board and group posters may already know Lambert Lunatic aka "The Don" dodged a hit the other day.  Now word on the street is that this may have came from the Calbrese family over at the Rutgers board but from what the Doctors have told him it was simply a matter of muscular pain.  Still those who kiss the ring of The Don have asked him to enter the witness protection program and hang out on SEC boards for awhile but The Don will have none of it and have put the members of the Mountaineer Mafia to the mattresses!

So you may be asking just what happened.....

Well while at work the other night I started experiencing some chest pain but I would discribe it as more of a discomfort.  It was just annoying with little tinges of actual hard pain.  It would not go away and presisted throughout the night, morning and into the next night.  I thought the usual things....indigestion...heartburn..
.pulled muscle...etc....I was determined to tough it out.  As I was driving  home from work the next morning the pain continued but increased with intensity.   Well with this pain lasting for two days and my very long family history of heart disease I decided to go to my family doctor.

Now my doctor has turned into what I think most family doctors are these days....primary care physicians whom due to the health care system today and the emergence of HMO's and managed health care see a large volume of paitents.  I will give them credit though as soon as I said I was having chest pains they immediately gave me plenty of attention.  I was seen.....BP was high....hooked up to an ekg machine and blood was taken. 

I was put on oxygen and a heart monitor.  After my tests results came back an ambulance was called and I was transported to a local hospital where a whole different world opened up to me. 

I was directly taken into a room where the staff started taking my medical history....an IV was placed in my arm.  More blood was drawn.  An ekg was taken again and the heart monitor and oxygen remained in place.  I was also given a chest x-ray and some baby aspirin and a nitro pill. 

Now for anyone who has not had the wonderful experience of the nitro I will give you the low down on that later.

After being observed for about an hour in the ER I was then transferred to a room where a doctor came in and asked me the same questions I had answered twice already.  He informed me that I was going to be kept overnight and have stress tests conducted the next day.   I remained on the heart monitor but now a nitro patch was placed upon my chest.

OWWWWWWW OMG who ran over my head.....yes it was the effects of the nitro.  Nitro if you are not familiar opens up the blood vessels of your body to increase blood flow.  This is all your blood vessels even the ones not effected by any medical issue.  This causes the worst headache of your life.  It felt as the entire Pride of West Virginia did a halftime routine across my noggin!   On top of this I had not eaten anything since 2 AM the night before so my stomach was doing flip flops and telling me that it wanted to give up any contents that may have remained within it!

Well once I was settled in my room for a couple of hours I was given something to eat and the nitro patch was removed.  This settled my stomach and eventually eased my headache. 

The next morning was filled with things being injected into my viens......pictures being taken of my heart....I think it was called a epat machine....running on a tread mill...ekg's....more things injected into my viens and more pictures being taken of my heart.

The results being that they found nothing and other than my cholestoral being a little high I was fine and it had to be some type of muscular pain.

I was sent home where I am expecting the huge bill that I know will follow ( I got over on them though...I took their socks and all the toillettries I could carry) and every now and then still have that pain to remind me it is still around. 

Overall my stay was pleasant other than being scared to death that I was having a heart attack.  The nurses were nice and some were even pleasant to the eyes.  I watched a couple of movies and got to take in the fine dining that only a hospital can provide. 

Seriously though I was scared and with my family history I shouldnt have waited as long as I did.  So fellas forget being the tough guy and if you have any similar symptoms get yourself to the Doc and get checked out.  Just think you now know what to expect courtesy of The Don

 
 
 
 
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com